I love you Ezio Auditore!
by Fiws
Summary: Ezio's past in Florence threatens to come back to bite him in the rump. Pure, one-shot silliness.


A/N: Whoa! I was cleaning out my MS documents and found this. I never intended to publish it - it was just a joke between a friend and I, but I thought I might as well go ahead with it. This is all just a joke, not meant to be taken seriously.

As for my status on other stories…Interruptions is going to have a part two, which will probably be up sometime soon-ish. Ragdoll is still in my thoughts, but has been pushed to the back-burner. My friend (her author name on here is JaidynBenkley) and I are working on a big ol' Assassin's Creed project, which we've put tons of thought and effort into, so that's becoming priority. I'm pretty proud of the work we've put into it. Right now it is just together in bits and pieces, and we should start posting it around…summer, hopefully? I'll be doing the first half of the story, and she will do the second. The best thing about this is that, since there are two authors, this isn't just going to trail off and be another unfinished fic. Because we'll kick each other's asses if either of us slack off ( and by we, I mean her, because I'll most likely be the one slacking D: ).

So yeah.

Disclaimer – You know.

* * *

"Ezio." Rosa said. "Why don't you ever take me to Florence?"

Ezio was taken back by Rosa's sudden inquiry. Up to that point, they had been enjoying the stagnant silence of the hot Venetian afternoon. "Uh…Florence?"

"Yes, Florence. Your hometown?"

"Right, there."

"Yes, there! We should go there."

"We should…" Ezio said absently, absorbing Rosa's words. Once they formed in his head, his eyes widened. "Oh, no, bad plan, actually."

"How so?"

"Well…" Ezio said, looking away as the possibility fleshed out in his mind…

* * *

"Oh Ezio!" Rosa gasped, holding onto the Assassin's handsome, bulking muscles. "You are so lucky to have grown up here. This city is beautiful!"

"Not as beautiful as you, babe." Ezio glanced down at Rosa from under his thick but manly lashes.

"Oh! Take me now, Ezio! Ravish me!" Rosa said, tossing her arms to her side and raising her head up to meet Ezio's.

"Mmkay." He said, bending down to take Rosa into his arms. He had nearly seized her into an embrace when another girl trotted up, her eyes bugged-out and her smile huge.

"Omigod, Ezio? Ezio Auditore?" The girl laughed. "What are you doing back here, without saying hello to me. Hey, Gisella, look who it is!"

Another girl rushed up. "No way! Ezzy!" She said, throwing her arms around the assassin, completely dismantling Rosa from her position.

"Ezzy?" Rosa asked, looking up to Ezio. He shrugged.

"Guys! Look! It is Ezzy!" The first girl called out, attracting five more people – some female, some male.

"Uhmm…" Ezio fidgeted at the new attention.

"Ezio!" One man threw his arms around the assassin. "Say, do you still have that…you know…in that place? Sorry about that, again…"

"I want my books back." A girl at the back of the group muttered bitterly.

"Say," One fellow said to Rosa, leaning in close to her so he could drop his voice to a hushed whisper. "Do you two have an open relationship? Because I'd LOVE to be getting a piece of that action." He paused to look over Rosa. "You can join in too, I suppose."

Hordes of people closed in, all of them squealing.

"Ezzybear." One girl said after shouldering her way through the crowd. "Oh Ezzybear, I remember our night out by the docks last year as if it had happened yesterday."

Rosa looked up at Ezio, exasperated. "Last _year?_ You said you were busy fighting Templars last year!"

Ezio ducked his head. He had already broken a sweat and started off on an awkward bumble. "Oh, yeah – heh – well, you see, about that-"

Another girl rushed up, cutting Ezio with her wild squeal. "Oh! Look at you, I hardly noticed you without the acne!"

"Hey Ezio." Another said. "Wow…you dumped me for _her?_ Well, _someone's _standards have lowered."

"Did that hickey ever go away? I'm really sorry about that."

"Ezzy! Good news! My pelvis finally healed!"

"Ezio, I think you owe my mom an apology."

* * *

Ezio rubbed the back of his neck. "…It would be boring. I don't know anyone there anymore."

* * *

A/N: Welp, that's seriously all. It was unfinished when I found it, I tagged on those last two sentences, and voila! Laziness. So, reviews, please? Thanks, and happy holidays to you all!


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